Day 5: First seconds of a first date

5/365

Can you really judge whether you’ll have a connection with someone within the first few seconds of meeting them? Short answer: yes. Long answer: also yes, but with more overthinking. 

A friend of mine — let’s call her Liz — recently went on a first date with someone she met on a dating app. She wasn’t overly excited after their first few conversations over text, but she decided to give it a chance. (Was that her first mistake? Hard to say. You can only get so much personality over text.) 

During the date, the conversation was fine, and he was gentlemanly, but the spark just wasn’t there. She walked away feeling guilty because he hadn’t done anything wrong. But giving him another chance would have meant she was no longer dating intentionally. So yes — sometimes you do know within the first few seconds. 

Dating intentionally is tough. Everyone tells you to do it, but no one tells you how. So, here are a few steps to try: 

• Keep the conversation pace alive. Try to respond on the same day and within a few hours. Dragging out small talk over several days kills momentum. 

• Plan to meet in person within the first two weeks. Otherwise, you just have a pen pal. 

• Talk about shared interests and how you spend time with your friends. If someone can naturally blend into your social world, that’s a big plus. 

• Make sure they haven’t just gotten out of a long-term relationship. Rebounds are exhausting — and confusing. 

• Talk about what the next two years might look like for each of you. You don’t need a detailed blueprint, just a general direction. Compatibility matters. 

Then reflect: 

• Are they making me laugh? 

• Are they asking me questions, or am I carrying the conversation? 

• Can they describe what they want in life? 

These aren’t evidence-based strategies — just starting points for dating with intention.